Disclaimer - the characters are mine, all mine! Actually no, they're
Aaron's. But I wish they were mine. The story's mine though, please ask
before archiving.
Tam Lin is a very old, traditional tale, told many times in song and
story. I have taken this version from various sources I've read over the
years - I remember a children's book a few years ago called 'Never Let
Go', and the classic Burns poem, but the story was already old when
Burns retold it. This is my own retelling, based on what I can remember
of those, so credit to them and everyone else who ever retold the tale,
and might have influenced me. The heroine is usually called Janet (in
one song, Margaret, but in every other source she is Janet, so I've gone
with the traditional name.)
Author's note. The day after I posted this, I went into a bookshop, and
there it was. 'Never Let Go' by Geraldine McCaughrean and Jason
Cockcroft. I also remember from when I was a small child, a book called
'Spook', which I think was American, and had the Tam character as a dog
called Spook, stolen from his young master. It's a much-told tale.
Spoilers; Noel. Which I haven't seen, because I've yet to see any of
season two. Posted and written 23rd April 2001.
Tam Lin.
by Michelle Hiley.
cat@hiley.demon.co.uk
The handsomest man in the district was Tam Lin, and every girl wanted to
marry him. Many were lovely, and some were rich, and some had both
wealth and beauty. But to everyone's surprise, Tam gave his heart to
plain Janet, who had neither fortune nor education.
The wedding day was set, and then to their joy, Janet found herself
pregnant with Tam's child. But one evening, Tam chanced to be out at
dusk, as the Queen of the Fair Folk was passing with her court. Seeing
Tam, she had her people seize him, and forceably carry him along with
them.
---------
The first clue that I got that something was wrong, was when he didn't
come home.
He was going to call me. After the speech at the Newseum. He'd asked me
to check some information he needed, and he'd call me when he got home,
so I could tell him.
He didn't call.
I told myself not to worry, that he was just being Josh. Probably some
crowd of screaming girls was there, admiring him, and he was lapping up
the attention. Or he'd got into some big debate with Sam, or Leo needed
to discuss something with him. So I finished the notes, and put the
information aside until he did call, and turned on the TV.
Someone had shot at President Bartlet.
I sat there in shock for a few seconds, then somehow, found myself at
the door, pulling my coat on. I still have no memory of getting from the
TV to the door. I should have known, I should have known something was
wrong, when Josh wasn't bugging me for those notes. Someone had hurt the
President, and Josh was with him, or maybe with Leo, trying to calm Leo
down.
They'd be frantic. I had to go right away, see what I could do to help
Josh.
All the way there, I prayed the President would be OK. We needed him.
---------
When Tam failed to come home, Janet guessed what had happened, for it
was Halloween, the night the fairies rode out. Now normally, none would
dare venture into fairy territory, especially after dark. But Janet got
up, and threw her mantle around her shoulders, and set out for the
depths of the forest. And there she lay in wait for the Queen and her
train as they rode, and stepped forward boldly, to challenge them.
"Foolish one, why are you here?" asked the Queen. "No mortal dares come
into my domains uninvited."
"You have stolen away my love against his will," Janet replied, "and I
am here to claim him. He is my heart, the father of my child, and you
shall not have him."
At that, the Queen laughed. "He is mine now, and never shall I give him
back to you." And Janet looked, and saw Tam among the riders, enspelled
and unable to move or speak. But he looked at her, his heart in his
eyes, grief-stricken at the loss of love and child.
Then Janet sprang forward, and dragged Tam from the steed, down into her
arms, and pressed him against her. "And never shall I let him go," she
told the Queen, defiant. "Where he is, I am, and we two are bound
forever. He is innocent of wrong-doing, and I shall not desert him."
---------
Hang on, Josh. You have to hang on.
The waiting room seemed so quiet. Unearthly. Just the steady ticking of
a clock, ticking away the time Josh was in surgery. Tick, tick, tick. I
wanted to jump up, smash the clock, scream at the room to ease the
silence.
Most of the others had gone, for a little while. Back to the White
House, or to deal with the Press. I understood. The country couldn't
stop running because one man was fighting for his life. They sorted
things out between them, they allowed me to stay here, and for that I
was grateful.
But I couldn't leave. I asked if I should be doing something, but the
First Lady told me no, there was no need. Just as well. I'm not sure I
could have managed to go anyway. So I sat there. Mrs. Landingham came,
and took my hand for a while, and I drank strength from her presence.
They let me see Josh at one point. Let me stand and watch, as they
operated on the still, silent form of my boss.
I'm here. You don't know it, but I'm here, and while you go through
this, I don't intend to be anywhere else.
Just work with me, Josh. Hang on.
---------
The Queen laughed again, and moved her hands. Tam cried out, as the
spell released him, but a moment later felt himself change, transform,
lose control....and Janet found herself clutching a fearful dragon, that
hissed and spat flames. But she looked into the dragon's eyes, and they
were the eyes of Tam. And Janet hung on.
The Queen cursed, and turned Tam into a giant snake, whose poisonous
tongue flicked out dangerously. Still, Janet clung to him, and would not
let him go. Next a raging fire, which scorched and burned, but she drew
the fire closer, regardless of the pain. All night the Queen struggled
to break Janet's grip, but no matter what Tam became, Janet would not
let him go, but clung to him tightly with the strength of true love.
---------
He's unrecognizable some days.
It's still Josh, I remind myself. No matter what, the real Josh is still
inside there, and somehow I need to get him back. He needs me, he needs
his friends. He needs help. It's not fair. He was in the wrong place, at
the wrong time, that's all. Somehow, I have to get Josh the help he
needs, whether he wants it or not. No matter how he denies it, or rages,
or how bad things get.
I love him. I've long ago stopped denying it to myself. I love him, and
he's lost and in pain, and I can't just let him go and walk away. I can
ask for help from Sam, I can gather the courage to talk to Leo, or the
President, but ultimately, Josh needs me. Even if he doesn't realise it.
Right now, he's holed up in his office. It's been a bad week. Normally,
I love this time of year, but Josh has been snapping, and yelling. Not
in the normal Josh way, that I'm used to. This isn't him whining about
his burger not being cooked properly, or telling me the ceiling is
falling down.
This is different. It's been building for a while I guess, but now it's
coming out, and the man is a monster.
I want my Josh back. I nearly lost him before, and now he's gone, and I
can't find him. Instead there's this stranger, with his face.
I wipe away a stray tear that I catch sliding down my cheek. Not now.
Maybe later, when Josh is safe, I can grieve that this happened to us,
before moving on. Right now, I have to be the strong one, because Josh
can't be. I need to act. I dab at my eyes, and get to my feet, then
realise there's a man standing a few feet away, watching me carefully.
Leo.
"Mr. McGarry," I say, quietly, slipping into formality. "I was....I was
just coming to talk to you."
Leo nods, once, and his eyes meet mine. Relief sweeps over me, as I read
his expression. He knows how badly wrong things are with Josh, and he
was coming to see me. For a moment, I feel proud and happy to be
included, then bite my lip, ashamed that I could be happy when Josh is
in such pain. But it will be OK. I just need to hold on, ally with Leo
and the others. Josh is no match for all of us together.
"Come with me Donna," Leo orders, and I follow him to his office. He
smiles at me as I close the door.
"He bandaged his own hand," I blurt out. Leo's eyes narrow, then he
sighs.
"Sit down. We have to talk."
---------
Finally, at dawn, the Queen knew herself beaten, and looked at the girl
with new respect. ""Very well then," she told Janet. "Take back your man
forever." And as the first rays of light streaked the sky, the Fairy
Court faded away, and Janet found herself unharmed, standing in the
forest. And in her arms, free from spells, she clutched the naked,
shivering, frightened Tam. Then Janet took off her mantle, and threw it
around him, and so won back her true love.
---------
He's talking with Leo now, and I hang back, waiting until Leo has
finished whatever he wants to say. I trust Leo on this - whatever it is,
it will be good for Josh. Leo calls to me, and I step forward, Josh's
coat in my arms. Somehow, I feel instinctively we've saved him. It will
be a long walk back from the hell Josh has been in, but Josh and I will
manage it together. Josh looks at me, and there's something so exposed,
so vulnerable about him, I want to hug him. Instead I reach out, helping
him into his coat. He shrugs it on, and I take his arm. We're going to
the hospital to get his hand treated, and then home.
Home. His home now, but maybe one day, mine as well. For now, I'll be
here, as I've been here all along, holding and caring for him. Josh
looks at me again as we stop and listen to the carollers, and I see
something in his eyes. For the first time in a long time, he doesn't
look haunted. He doesn't pull away, but keeps his arm through mine,
squeezing my hand briefly, as we walk out into the December evening.
Together, whatever may come.
---------
They were wed the next summer, and lived happily ever after. Watching
them leave the church, arm in arm, people marvelled again that Tam, who
could have any girl he wanted, should choose Janet. 'What did he see in
her?' they wondered.
But Tam knew.
---------
---------
"And the next will be a naked man,
All changed into your arms
You'll throw your mantle all around
And cry you're won, my dear, you're won...."
- Tam Lin, traditional song.
--
Mich.